- [[Literature notes/The Courage to be disliked|The Courage to be disliked]] - Takeaways - The main philosophy of this book is that Happiness is the feeling of contribution. - Contribution can be at the level of being or act Whether it is in the level of acts or level of being, one has to feel that he / she is contributing - There is value in just being (that person does not have to do something for you). For example the mother who went through an accident . - Life tasks are to be self reliant and to live in harmony with society. Life tasks are to be self reliant and to live in harmony with society, to have ability and look at others as comrades. - Self reliant is be able to live without parents or anyones help. Having the ability to live by yourself. So that you can be free, and living in harmony with society is being able to see everyone as comrades and having a feeling of belonging to the largest community - Adler breaks this into three types of tasks - Tasks of work, love and friendship. 3 categories of relationships - tasks of work, love and friendship. Work relationships have the lowest hurdle. they have an easy to understand common objective of good results. - These are the various tasks in your life and All problems in life fall into one of these three categories or tasks of life. Hence all problems are interpersonal problems. In terms of work, the issue is getting rebuked as opposed to not having the ability (that can be accepted). - Solution is: Seperation of tasks + Dont compete Solution: Seperation of tasks + Dont compete - Whoever will experience the results of the task is the owner of the task. - Calmly delineate the point upto which ones task goes and then comes another persons task. And do not intervene, nor allow anyone to intervene in yours. - It is enough if you improve or grow towards your ideal self, and improve from whom you were yesterday. You dont have to measure yourself compared to others. Competitors can rarely be comrades. - Contribute to others -> self worth -> self acceptance -> courage to be taken for a ride ->confidence in others -> comrades -> community->happiness Contribute to others -> self worth -> self acceptance -> courage to be taken for a ride ->confidence in others -> comrades -> community {{∆(27+2)}} {{[[r/moved]]}} - Ch 30 - Desire for Recognition makes you UNFREE - Consider the desire for recognition. You want others to pay attention to you, and then judge you in a way you desire. This is self centeredness. The world is not centered around you. - When you desire recognition you give the keys to others. you do your task. - - Trauma is past doesnt exist. Goals define your behaviour. - Dance earnestly in the now, its okay not to have destinations.The only way to understand life is have lived each moment to its full. That is when the meaning of life will become clear to you. - Shine a light on the now, make it bright and interesting. You wont see the past or future. You will be lost in the now. - As long as we postpone life we will never have a bright now, we will live dull moments after dull moments. - Process itself is the outcome not the destination. - A well planned [[life]] is impossible - This line like life, is a result of freudian thinking with life as a series of events. Instead look at life like a series of dots. (moments). - Have the courage to be normal Ch 51 The courage to be normal - Work is contribution to common good ^a07a83 - Labor is not a means of earning money. It is a means of contributing to your community and getting a feeling of self worth, there by getting self acceptance, and accept your existential worth. - Self Acceptance - No one is perfect 100%. We might be 60% perfect accept it. and work towards your ideal self. This is self acceptance. You need the courage to accept yourself. - Horizontal Relationships - Even if you have one vertical relationship, before you can realize what is happening is you will be treating all your interpersonal relations are veritical. - Say Thanks. Do not praise or rebuke collapsed:: true - Thank you is a sign of contribution. - Rebuking or praising is vertical. Goal is comrades, horizontal and equal or partner like relationships - A feeling of inferiority should be used as a trigger to push you to the pursuit of superiority (desire to escape from the helpless state we are born in).This way it can promote striving and growth - If you believe in free will, and you believe that people can change. If you believe that your life is not completely determined by your past, and you have control over your future. Then clearly you believe in teleology. If you end up staying in etiology you will be bound by the past and never be able to find happiness. Look at the possibilities of the future. **Possibilities > Past**. - Blog Post - Deny Trauma - Your actions are not due to your past, but due to your goals - If you believe in free will, and you believe that people can change. If you believe that your life is not completely determined by your past, and you have control over your future. Then clearly you believe in teleology. If you end up staying in etiology you will be bound by the past and never be able to find happiness. Look at the possibilities of the future. **Possibilities > Past**. - ALL PROBLEMS ARE INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS - Life tasks are to be self reliant and to live in harmony with society, to have ability and look at others as comrades. - 3 categories of relationships - tasks of work, love and friendship. Work relationships have the lowest hurdle. they have an easy to understand common objective of good results. - All problems in life fall into one of these three categories or tasks of life. Hence all problems are interpersonal problems. In terms of work, the issue is getting rebuked as opposed to not having the ability (that can be accepted). - DISCARD OTHER PEOPLES TASKS - Desire for recognition is a habit that is influenced by the carrot and stick mode of education. If no one is going to praise my I wont take the appropriate action. - Whoever will experience the results of the task is the owner of the task. - Intervening in other peoples task and taking on other peoples tasks turns into ones life into something heavy and full of hardship. - Ch 28 - How to rid yourself of interpersonal relationship problems - First, ask whos task is this. - Seperation of tasks. - Calmly delineate the point upto which ones task goes and then comes another persons task. And do not intervene, nor allow anyone to intervene in yours. - Ch 30 - Desire for Recognition makes you UNFREE - Ch 31 - What real freedom is - If you dont want to be disliked, you have to live according to the other peoples expectations and that is not freedom. If there are people who dont like you then you excercised your freedom. - Ch 32 - you hold the cards to the interpersonal relationship - WHERE THE CENTER of the world is - Consider the desire for recognition. You want others to pay attention to you, and then judge you in a way you desire. This is self centeredness. The world is not centered around you. - Rebuking or praising is vertical. Goal is comrades, horizontal and equal or partner like relationships - offer assistance, dont intervene - Thank you is a sign of contribution. - Even if you have one vertical relationship, before you can realize what is happening is you will be treating all your interpersonal relations are veritical. - TO LIVE IN EARNEST IN THE HERE AND THE NOW - No one is perfect 100%. We might be 60% perfect accept it. and work towards your ideal self. This is self acceptance. You need the courage to accept yourself. - The courage to overcome the fear of being taken advantage of comes from self acceptance. - Labor is not a means of earning money. It is a means of contributing to your community and getting a feeling of self worth, there by getting self acceptance, and accept your existential worth. - Self acceptance -> confidence in others -> contribute -> self acceptance (loop) - Happiness is the feeling of contribution. - Why does one want to be special. Because he is not able to accept his normal self. Being normal is not being incapable - Do we really need lofty goals? No. With lofty goals most of life becomes en route. Many people do not reach lofty goals. Such is the nature of lofty goals. Then is their life incomplete. - This line like life, is a result of freudian thinking with life as a series of events. Instead look at life like a series of dots. (moments). - Process itself is the outcome not the destination. - Shine a light on the now, make it bright and interesting. You wont see the past or future. You will be lost in the now. - As long as we postpone life we will never have a bright now, we will live dull moments after dull moments. - Lets dance in earnest the moments of here and now and live in earnest. One lives each complete moment like a dance. There is no need to compete with anyone, and one has no use for destinations. As long as your are dancing , you will get somewhere. - The only way to understand life is have lived each moment to its full. That is when the meaning of life will become clear to you. - Earnest means with full sincerity and conviction. - Contribute to others -> self worth -> self acceptance -> courage to be taken for a ride ->confidence in others -> comrades -> community {{∆(27+2)}}