# Social Skills - *** ## title: Social Skills - Introduction - Overview - Self. - Understanding Others. - Connecting with Others. - Because we are together in India. We have a better army. - Body Language - Conversation - Social Code. - Real Life Application - Your Life is a Story - Never preach or tell people what to do. Don't ever tell people what to do. You can at max tell them what to do with their life. Also never assume what people are thinking. - It is very important to know in social interactions when to give and when to take, no body is obliged to listen to you. the most important part is genuinely getting interested to know about other peoples life and what you can [[Learn]] from other peoples life. People love other people who want to [[Learn]] from their life. Listening is the most important. Humans want to be heard, listening to people and acknowledging that is very very important. - Social Skills can be learned. - - Understanding Self - What are social skills - Ability to connect with people. - When we keep thinking about our problems, and likes and dislikes, we get alienated from the people. We go into a shell. Always think how you can help the other person, and possibly get help from other people. - You can connect with others on cognitive level or emotional level. Understand what level people want to connect on , and connect on that level. - Introvert vs Extrovert - Stable and unstable introvert - Use small talk to reduce social discomfort. - If you are introvert unstable, find out how to nicely start conversations. - Be a social chameleon sometimes. Dont need to change yourself fully. - Word association - When i think of myself - Mixed feeling. Proud and wanting - Friends - Want tonnes - Meeting people - Learning - Talking - Balance - Guilty - Worst feeling. I dont want it. - Love - Best feeling - Women - interesting - Self Concept - If they are positive , no problem. If you have self image problems,you are not going to mingle well with others. If yoiu think of youself as unimportant, your interaction with others will prove it to you that what you think is right. This is a self fulfilling prophecy. - Do you love yourself. inspite of your haves and have nots . Body image disorder is totally fine. - How you think about yourself is how you think about others also. - If you think about yourself positively and other negatively, then you are expecting perfectionism from everyone. Judging others is a negative. Each one might have their own justifications. - Give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Judge someone only after you know quite a few things about them, and after they themselves have expressed themselves. - Challenge your beliefs about yourself and others whenever they are negative. - No matter how you look like, there are people who still think you are beautiful. No matter how you look, who still like you for who you are. And there are people who want to be like you. - The thing is you look beautiful when you accept that you are beautiful. - Who is anyone to validate you? Why do you think someone particular has to validate you. Once because you dont believe you are beautiful or intelligent you are looking for validation. Like Anbe Sivam Kamal appreciating himself. - It is important you argue against your own thoughts. - Right Mindset - If you don't like yourself, you will hate others. - Without consistent effort, learning will be helpless. Pursuing with consistency is important. - If you don't encourage yourself, you will not be consistent. - Because only if you truly believe and change your thoughts. It will radiate out to others. - Understanding Society - What are Values? - What we give value for. - Never be apologetic about your likes and dislikes - Also never judge people for their likes and dislikes - Developing and Accepting core tastes - If you follow trends, you don't have a personal preference, you are operating under the fear of missing out. They are trying to please others. They don't think about what they need. - You will seek approval if you don't know what you want. Which is again the fear of missing out. - Hence it is very important to know your preferences. - Social skills is developing yourself so that you can connect yourself to others. You connect to other to share your needs etc with others. Hence you need have your own needs and preferences. - People join groups , like ajith fan clubs etc because they want to feel like a part of something. - Have your own circle of competence. If you dont know soemthing. Say that you dont know about it, and tell them its interesting and would like to know about it. if you dont want to know about it, then express it. - If you are asked about something and you do not know about it, within you can express that you don't about it, and you can only talk about topic X , request them if you can talk about that topic X. - How to make others like us. - You must first like them. Then behave in a way that you actually like that. - Become genuinely interested in knowing them. - Listen and Undestand. - Ask questions to clarity - Try to remember the important stuff - You have to know your energy level, and know how many people you can listen to. - That is why, when you have a friend circle of 5-6 people they are closely connected. You can not listen to 50 people and stay closely connected to them. - How to speak with Right Body Language - Words can lie. People believe body cant lie. - Nod when people are talking. - Look at T zone. Never look down - Opposite Gender. Go off axis - Never have cell phone or anything in the hand while speaking to others - Leaning in is good positive body language. Don't sit in possible which are uncomfortable for long time. Dont use rapid movement - Always smile. - Never touch people, understand their need for physical and mental space - Learning Basic Communication Skills - How to have a conversation - Know the people you are talking to. - It is about making the social connect, it is not important to talk. If you listen actively ,they might given you a chance to talk back. - Find out what people like and make that person talk about it. - Talk about what you are passionate when others want to listen - [[Learn]] small talk ., it helps in reducing discomfort - A person who makes the other person feel important and valuable will go places in life. See the best in others - Dont self deprecate - Small Talk - Conversation Starters - Weather, Arts, Sports, News and Entertainment