# Never Split the Difference - Chapter 1: The new rules - “I realized that without a deep understanding of human psychology, without the acceptance that we are all crazy, irrational, impulsive, emotionally driven animals, all the raw intelligence and mathematical logic in the world is little help in the fraught, shifting interplay of two people negotiating.” - “It was as if they were dealing with a robot, that if you did a, b, c, and d in a certain fixed order, you would get x. But in the real world negotiation is far too unpredictable and complex for that. You may have to do a then d, and then may be q” - I feel like this is why, people facing jobs hold more stature than eng. Because eng is predictable many can [[Learn]] it via books, then supply increases. - Getting to yes - by Fisher and Ury - Philosophy was appeal to rational - seperate the person from problem - - - Chapter 2: collapsed:: true - - Chapter 3 - Turn Emotions from obstacles to opportunities. - Fear is the obstacle emotion at the beginning - By labelling it (addressing the underlying emotion), the other person feels that you understand their fears and starts feel safe - This is when you stay silent, and let that feeling of safety sink in. - The other party will then start speaking, this time from a safe zone and with trust and with a sense of having been understood (empathized). - Empathy is a mood enhancer. Because every human has the need to be understood - Now label a positive thing. - Move towards a win - win - Write down a list of possible accusations and label them . "It seems ...." - No communication is always a bad sign - This will help you connect, and create warm and meaningful relationships - Human connection is the first goal, any extraction is a bonus -